Well my thoughts have been far from school this weekend. Saturday morning our minister Jon Shuler announced to the gathered leaders of our church that he has been asked by our bishops to move to Jacksonville, FL to serve as senior pastor of Grace Anglican Church. While this was both unexpected and actually unwanted, he has submitted himself to what he believes to be God’s plan. Jon planted our church in 2000 and has led us since that time. Needless to say, we (as a community) are shaken.

While we won’t be around for a lot of the changes ahead, they are still shaking me deeply as well. In 2003, when I decided not to leave immediately following graduation for missionary work in Latin America, I made that decision in part because I wanted a strong sense of being sent from a community. These past four years have brought me to a place where I do feel connected and supported. But what will it look like to be sent from a community with no leader? Or one with a leader I don’t even know? In the next few months of turmoil for our church, I fear that no one will notice us leaving.

I want this mission to be an extension of the missionary heart of our church. I want this to be a congregational mission, with Tim and me on the front lines but many many others empowering and enabling our work. I want our mission to change the way Kings sees mission and to wrap people up in the missionary heart of God. I want this to be our most valuable contribution to Kings. And now I’m scared that it will go totally unnoticed by all save a few.

So far all I have done is talk and mope. Seeing that neither has helped, I suppose I ought to take my fears and insecurities and doubts to prayer. I feel like the guy in the Bible crying out “Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!” It’s another one of those nights where if this isn’t Real, if it doesn’t have a Real impact on my Real feelings and fears, then it’s worth nothing. I’m believing Him for Real tonight. Come through for me.

Show me your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior; and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5

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