Lately I've been trying to figure out what to do about worship music in Peru. I definitely share a difference in style and taste that many of the people here, but I feel like most of the spanish worship music I've been exposed to is weak and could be better. Unfortunately the only worship songs the people here know are what we have offered to them from a very small library. And it feels like that library is shrinking as I weed out both the ones that I don't feel say anything and that the people don't seem to connect with.

Any ideas? Those of you in Spanish speaking countries or churches, what are the songs you enjoy? What songs do the people seem to worship to the best? What are the spanish christian groups/musicians that you/they listen to? Please post a comment on any and all the ideas you have.

TV is getting better by the day! I don't have anything to say about politics really, but this clip is makes you wonder what the difference is between reality and parody. I think the geniuses behind Waiting for Guffman and Best in Show could team up with her for a real blockbuster.

A missionary in Honduras told me in 2003 that the mission field isn't a place you grow spiritually. My frequent remembrance of that comment I guess indicates how much I frightened me. To know God more intimately is the one thing I want out of my life. If the mission field isn't the place for that to happen, the mission field isn't for me.

All judgments aside on my future in missions, let me just say that we are finding ourselves drawing closer and closer to Jesus as we live out this journey in Peru. Away from the pull of materialism, we are more content with Him and less desperate for things. Separated from our friends and family, we run to Him to meet our needs. Without movie theaters, malls, and fast food, we look to Him to fill our emptiness. We are finding Him perfectly sufficient and a lot more. He is the one "who fills everything in every way" (Ephesians 1:23).

In the face of culture shock and weariness, I know I need to remember all the more the blessings He is pouring out on us. Freedom in Christ means that I can focus on the rainbow and not the rain. As an exercise in "counting my blessings," let me tell you a few things that happened on our day off yesterday when we went to Lima.

1. A police officer boarded our bus and took 3 or 4 people off. We found out later that another passenger had overheard them talking about robbing us and called the police on a cell phone. I think getting mugged would have been the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Of course, God knew that, too.
2. At the last minute, we were able to visit another American missionary family in Lima, friends of ours from language school, and share a pizza dinner. You'd think we were "home." It makes me smile just remembering.
3. The financial news yesterday was tough, but in the midst of it, we both felt a deep sense of peace I think. I'm so grateful that my hope is in God and not in money. I'm grateful, too, for the Holy Spirit, who brings to my remembrance all of the things Jesus taught and grants me a peace beyond understanding.

It was a tough morning for Wachovia stockholders. Here are some things I need to remind myself of today as I contemplate the nose-dive my life savings just took.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Tell those rich in this world's wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage-- to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. If they do that, they'll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.
1 Timothy 6:17-19 (Message)

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

We had 18 new guests (and 4 leaders) last night for our first week of Alpha Round 2. We are holding the course in a room for rent a few houses down from us because we don't have space in our house for so many people. Having it somewhere other than my house felt really different in a great way! I guess I felt less pressure on me. It also made a huge difference that we had people from the previous Alpha in charge of food and as helpers in the groups.

The group time seemed fairly comfortable, although a little "religious." I think it's pretty normal for people to spend the first week or two trying to show everyone else how spiritual they already are, but it doesn't necessarily make for a fun night for us. We did 2 groups of about 12 (as recommended) but plan on changing for next week. In a concrete wonderland, I just couldn't hear everyone in the group. Furthermore, people kept breaking up into side conversations. Not good. Our idea for the next week is to have 3 groups of 8 or so- Tim and I leading one each and the other two leaders leading one together. We're also thinking of funneling all the most outspoken "religious" people into one group (Tim's this time!!) to save the others from their sermons. You can start praying for Tim now.

Overshadowing the night for me, unfortunately, was an awkward situation. Somehow we miscommunicated and when we told the Alpha Round 1 graduates that they couldn't attend Alpha Round 2, they took that to mean... well, I'm not sure what exactly, because all but 2 of them showed up last night. As I saw them coming in, my stomach clenched up with anxiety. Confrontation is definitely not where I shine, and when you add in that I don't know what is culturally acceptable, I land in a big mess. We really didn't want a bunch of Alpha graduates at the new Alpha for a whole host of reasons, but how do I communicate to people who have already sat down and are eating that they need to leave?

We managed to convince all but one of them to leave. I guess we'll have to talk to him this week. There's another point for prayer-- that we can resolve this awkwardness clearly and without offending anyone too badly. We're still learning how to communicate in Peruvian (not just the Spanish language but the Peruvian culture as well!) and obviously aren't 100% yet.

In the meantime, it's Saturday, Alpha Recovery Day, and we're trying to lay low. I'm praying for sunshine in the afternoon and the freedom to live today today and not let myself get caught up in last night, next Friday night, or anything else.

Tomorrow night (Friday night) is the kick-off for our new Alpha Course. We had 21 guests at our Invitation Night last month and are expecting about that many for the course. I could write a novel about the ways God is using Alpha to breathe life into Puerto Supe, but the real purpose of this post is to ask for your prayers.

1. For the logistics of the night- food, video, sound, groups, tables and chairs, etc. The video has been skipping a little. Pray that it won't cause any problems!!
2. For the nationals serving and leading this go round. Pray that God would use this in their lives in a huge way.
3. For us as we juggle the responsibilities and anxieties of the night.
4. For our guests. Pray that they would feel comfortable and that the eyes of their heart would be opened to see God's offer of new life.

I burned the brownies. Darn.

Tim and I just finished up our "team meeting," the first one solo since the Cubases are leaving next week. We're having a lot of feelings these days surrounding responsibility, expectations, roles, fear, need vs. call, etc. How many times today have we come to the point of saying, "Well we'd better just pack up and go home" and then smiling slyly and asking ourselves, "What are the things that are true?"

What are the things that are true? Feelings are real, for sure, but they don't necessarily reveal the truth of the situation. I can come up with 10 million reasons to feel discouraged or afraid, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm here today and trust that God brought me here. For a reason.

What else is true? It's true that "the earth is the Lord's and everything in it" (Psalm 24:1)

and that "He who began a good work in Puerto Supe will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). This is His job, not mine. And I can trust Him with it.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3)

and "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).


It's remarkable how different the truth is from my feelings. Thank you, Lord, that my heart doesn't have the last word. Your Word brings hope and light and rest. Give me the courage to believe You over the anxious rumblings.

PS- Hope you didn't mind the EXTRA LARGE words-- I was dying to see them towering over the lies :-)

This week I decided to teach our housekeeper to bake sweets. Normally her kitchen roles are limited to chopping up vegetables, washing dishes, or preparing fried rice (that's what I have her make if I need her to cook- it's delicious!!). Since she doesn't have an oven or a refrigerator and since she's never cooked with recipes, sometimes I find out that our kitchen habits are a little different. This baking experiment has been no exception.



Episode 1: chocolate chip cookies

• The first step of the recipe said "Put in a big bowl" (Pon en un tazon grande) and then listed some ingredients. She read it out loud "Bread in big pieces" (Pan en trozos grandes) and went for the bread. Good thing we went over the recipe.
• The novelty of the electric beater was too much for her. She just kept beating and beating and beating. They were definitely the best beaten chocolate chip cookies we've ever had!
• I think it might have been her first experience with measuring spoons and cups. She filled the teaspoon a quarter way with baking soda and asked if that was good. I had to explain how you fill the whole thing and show her the different cups and spoons with their measurements on them.
• When she put the dough on the cookie sheet, she made huge cookies. We resized them, but it wasn't until they were halfway through cooking that she realized they were changing shape and size (melting and rising). Now she gets why I thought they were too big!

Episode 2: brownies

• I had her make the batter while I was out of the house. When I got home, she was a little worried she had ruined it, since it didn't turn out anything like the chocolate chip cookies. She was thoroughly relieved (and surprised) to find out that the brownie batter looked just the way it was supposed to.
• She wanted to know what brownies are. How do you explain brownies? I said they were kind of like cake but more moist. We'll see what she thinks when they're done.

It's all about learning, on my side and hers. I'm excited about the possibilities of her learning how to bake (!) and am sure she'll get it with a little practice.

Last night's meeting was a sweet encouragement. We had some animated conversations about leading Alpha small groups. The idea is a little bit counter-intuitive, you know? You let people say whatever the heck they want and don't try necessarily to push them toward the "correct" answers. With that kind of freedom, they can let down their defenses and genuinely explore questions of faith. It's an exciting concept.

Our helpers seem enthusiastic about the upcoming course and their role in it. They had all kinds of suggestions and ideas last night about how we can make the course run smoothly and give people every opportunity possible to encounter God during these next 10 weeks. Tim and I were encouraged by hearing these friends talk about their desire to impact others and grow the kingdom of God. Thank you, Lord.

This morning I had another little bit of sunshine during my devotions. I did the last day of Beth Moore's Beloved Disciple Bible study (the apostle John), read a chapter in Running Scared (about fear and worry), and read from Isaiah (in Spanish) as part of my one year daily Bible reading plan. I'm grateful for that hour every morning, for an hour to bathe in truth and prepare myself for a day of battle. In some of this current discouragement, I often forget to look to the Bible for the truth about what's going on in my life (as opposed to the stories my self-pity tells me). Regular devotions give me a chance to encounter truth even when I'm not necessarily looking for it. One of those "truths" I encountered this morning was Psalm 27, personalized for my own "enemy":

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

When loneliness advances against me
to devour my flesh,
when loneliness attacks me,
it will stumble and fall.

Though loneliness besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though loneliness break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of loneliness
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted
above loneliness who surrounds me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of loneliness.

Do not turn me over to loneliness,
for loneliness rises up against me,
breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

By now it's dark anyway, but nights are the hardest part. What is it about morning that makes everything a little bit better? Tim wants a Big Mac; I want to go do work at Starbucks. I think both of those things are in part cover-ups for this growing loneliness. We're worn down trying to meet one another's needs, but where else can we go? I know the answer- the Lord- but today it doesn't feel that obvious.

Tonight we are meeting with two couples to watch the Alpha Leaders Training video. There really are a lot of encouraging aspects to this- like the fact that one of the guys borrowed the video last night because he wanted to watch it in advance to be well-prepared. Or the idea that tonight we get to talk with these people about their perspective on this vision of reaching out to spiritually disconnected folks. Four months ago, two of them were those people. Three years ago, the other two were as well.

Nonetheless, I hear Tim in the other room talking to the dog. "Taza, you know what would make this night really fun? Good wine, good cheese, and good friends." We don't have access to any of those things tonight, and in the midst of all the genuinely exciting things going on, we find ourselves living under a cloud. Is it spiritual warfare? Culture shock? I don't know. Pray that we would see some sunshine. In the meantime, we're trusting the Father, clinging to Jesus, calling on the Holy Spirit to sustain us.

The Comunidad Cristiana's retreat was a big success I'd say. My speciality is definitely not having fun (well at least in the sense that most people would understand), but I survived the day. We played lots of games-- volleyball, sack races, wheelbarrow races, Connect Four, dodgeball, jumprope. There were also horseback rides and swimming for the kids (too cold for reasonable people). My favorite part was the sunshine.

Here's Ellie, enjoying the souvenir that we brought the dogs from the zoo (a monkey). I think she had just stolen it from Taza. Mostly I liked the photo.

This morning we bought 6.5 lbs of strawberries for $1.50 and are going to make some treats. Tomorrow we and most of the participants in the Comunidad Cristiana are going on a mini-retreat for the day. I figured strawberry hot-pockets were just the thing.

I don't have much of a clue about how this retreat will turn out, but I'm super excited that some of our Alpha people are going. My prayer is that it's a time for them to connect socially with other believers and start to feel more ownership for the church. Speaking of Alpha, we delayed the beginning one week. I'm so grateful we've had this week to catch up on life and equally excited about diving back in this week with Alpha leadership training, our Alpha follow-up Bible study, and the first week of the new Alpha course.

She's huge, slobbery and eats 4.5 lbs of chicken parts for lunch. What's not to love about a gentle giant following me around the house?

"Normal" is finally coming back. Somewhere in our team meeting yesterday I remembered what it feels like to be working here for God's purposes and not my own, doing what I can but knowing this isn't my "project." It was a day full of people, too, which I think does me good.

In the afternoon I listened to and counseled my struggling friend on parenting her teenager. As you can imagine, I know very little about parenting teenagers- only snipets from my experience being one and three years of teaching them. It's amazing nonetheless how much of her problem was a God problem more than a parenting problem. I wonder how often that might be true in other situations. Anyway, knowing how little I know, I tried to do ten times as much listening as talking. In the end, my understanding of the issue was that she, like other single moms I know around here, is counting on her only daughter to value and love her unconditionally, making up for her own lack of healthy self-esteem and filling the emptiness in her heart. Unfortunately teenagers are not a great source for that. While she can't control her teenager, she can do something about her own needs and feelings.

We talked about Jeremiah 2:13-- "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water." She definitely "got" the idea that her daughter is the broken cistern in this story, incapable of offering her the fresh, flowing, living water she so much desires. We talked too about the idea that humans are made with a God-shaped hole in their hearts, and that try as we may to fill it with everything else, we won't be happy unless we fill it with Him.

Those are good reminders for me at least, and I was grateful for the opportunity to dive back into them. Nothing else can fill my emptiness- not vacations or marriage or ministry or money. As St. Augustine wrote, "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."

Reading the news about our neighbor Bolivia this morning, I am reminded that some people have real problems. The US ambassador has been expelled and the Peace Corps has moved all its volunteers to Peru. How are the missionaries feeling this morning? The Masseys arrived 1 month ago in Santa Cruz. Transition and cultural adjustments are hard enough without the threat of civil war. And then there are the Bolivians. No one is offering them an emergency evacuation from this violence and chaos.

A little to the north, we are easing back into life and work in Puerto Supe. We initially had a slew of plans leading up to an Alpha kick-off on Friday but yesterday made the decision to postpone that a week. Besides our own re-adjustment here in Puerto, we're also preparing for the Cubases to leave the first week of October. They will be in the US through the end of December on Home Ministry Assignment (furlough). There are a lot of loose ends to be tied up before their departure.

Home again. I suppose my panic has subsided, but being here doesn't feel comfortable yet. I told my housekeeper to take today off mostly because I'm not ready to give up my "space" and have her in the house for 4 hours this morning. It feels too vulnerable that everyone knows when we're home and not, that walking out the door means talking to a host of people, that our walls are only a curtain to the sounds of the street. I want to go back into my cocoon.

One luxurious night in Viña del Mar and we made the trek back to Lima yesterday. I'm writing this morning from the SAM guest house. We leave in the next hour for the 4-hr bus ride back to Puerto Supe. I'm having a lot of feelings about going back, none of which are the ones I would choose. Panic, for one. I remember feeling similarly coming back to Arequipa from Buenos Aires in January. I know my fear doesn't reflect the reality of the situation, and yet here I am. More later. In the meantime, I'd certainly appreciate your prayers for our return.

Let me just add that I am so so excited to see our puppies! How many times have I smiled at God's provision for us through them? I thought I needed a guard dog in Peru. What I needed was a morale boost or two. With fur.

We also watched The House of the Spirits, the movie based on Isabel Allende's book. It's fiction, but tells the story of the 20th century in Chile at the same time. Isabel Allende is the niece of Salvador Allende, the world's first democratically elected Marxist president. He was assasinated in a coup in 1973, 3 years into his presidency. The movie told that story as well as others. It was interesting to watch from here, not only for the politics but for the cultural pictures as well.

We started the morning with a few hours of unbelievable skiing-- beautiful blue skies, warm sun on our shoulders, perfect snow, and no one else on the slopes. During our lunch stop, a dense fog moved in, which quickly turned into a snowstorm. We were stuck in the cafe in the middle of the slopes wondering how we would ever get "home." We did make it a few hours later, but not without a little trouble. We're now in Valparaíso and waiting to see what's next on this Chilean adventure.

If you've ever sunburned your lips, you can imagine how uncomfortable Tim and I are right now. The rest of our faces are sunburned, too, except for our lovely white foreheads, protected by hats all day. We did bring sunscreen, and today we feel certain we'll remember to use it.

Other than sunburns, our ski trip to Valle Nevado has been amazing. We're at 12,000 ft with lots of snow and no trees. It makes for interesting skiing when you don't have to stay on the "slopes." My favorite slope so far is a "red" (below black) that's over a mile long. The views are breathtaking and all the snow is powder.

I started with The Soul of Politics (Jim Wallis), but quickly realized it was written in 1995. I'm sure it's still interesting but increasingly irrelevant 13 years later. I set it aside and moved on to The Shack, which I found entertaining and slightly disturbing. Since I finished that, I've been reading Running Scared (Edward T. Welch) and The Count of Monte Cristo. The Count is one of my all-time top favorites. Running Scared is about fear and is provoking lots of thoughts. Did you know the most frequent command of the Bible is "Do not be afraid"? Me neither. Another interesting thought--

We tend to judge God's words by our own feelings and sensory observations. If we feel orphaned, we believe we are orphaned. If we feel a sense of impending doom, the worst will in fact happen. If we are told that God reigns, but everything seems to be in chaos, we twist God's revelation about himself to fit our understanding of the data. Scripture, however, reveals the things we can't see with the naked eye, and God's self-revelation is a higher authority than our feelings. When our feelings conflict with God's communication, we must side with God's interpretation. Any other decision puts us above God. (p. 68)

1. People here don't "look" hispanic, and I never can tell who is a tourist and who's not until they start talking (although we've seen few tourists anyway). The Chilean to catch me most off guard so far was a fair-skinned, freckled girl with strawberry blonde hair. I don't think they know I'm not Chilean either (until I open my mouth), but Tim's a lost cause with his blonde hair.
2. I'm having a lot of difficulty understanding the accent here. A waiter says something and I don't catch even one word. I'm constantly asking people to repeat themselves, and the whole situation is very humbling. Tim is doing a little better on this, but it's still a challenge.
3. Everywhere we go (the zoo and several museums) we seem to be stuck in a sea of badly-behaved uniformed children on field trips. It's definitely challenging my patience. I keep wanting to grab one of them by the collar and explain museum etiquette. It makes me nervous about my future in parenting (no time soon).
4. The school children and others we encounter in our travels seem to think that we are museum artifacts or strange creatures at the zoo and are constantly barking at us in English. Hello! I love you! This happens in Peru, too, but somehow more here. My strategy is to ignore it all.
5. It's cold! We haven't been in weather like this (upper 40s) since the winter of 06-07 I don't think. We're managing just fine bundling up well, but it's definitely a surprise. The beautiful thing about Chile (as opposed to Peru) is that we have heat to confront the cold!
6. The wine here is exceptional and affordable, as you might imagine. We're thrilled.

Tim and I were laughing yesterday as we realized how "Plazas de Armas" are getting a little old. Every town around here has a central square with a big church (Catholic, of course). Nonetheless, Santiago's cathedral is one of the most beautiful I have seen since we've been in South America. I think part of the beauty is just that it's a little different. We also visited some impressive history museums and had a shockingly scrumptious lunch at Blue Jar. I've never tasted such amazing Roast Beef Carpaccio.


Loved the morning from this window.

PS- A big huge thanks again to my dad for my camera. I was just remembering yesterday how much I love it when I could take decent photos without a flash inside a dark cathedral!