"It's just the same story a doctor once told me," observed the elder. "He was a man getting on in years, and undoubtedly clever. He spoke as freely as you, though in sarcasm, in bitter sarcasm. 'I love humanity,' he said, 'but I wonder at myself. The more I love humanity in general, the less I love man in particular. In my dreams,' he said, 'I often make plans for the service of humanity, and perhaps I might actually face crucifixion if it were suddenly necessary. Yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone for two days together. I know from experience. As soon as anyone is near me, his personality disturbs me and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I begin to hate the best of men; one because he's too long over his dinner, another because he has a cold and keeps on blowing his nose. I become hostile to people the moment they come close to me. But it has always happened that the more I hate men individually the more I love humanity.'"
Story of my life. Why can't I just be a nicer person? I'm so glad God's not done with me yet.
On a similar line, I did have an interesting realization last week in the audio lab. Truthfully I was surprised and happy with my ability to connect with the patients and make them feel comfortable. So why am I so awkward at parties and most other social encounters? I think it's something about finding comfort in structure. It makes me relieved to know that I'm not completely inept at relating to others, and pushes to me to consider more how I can 1) find places to use the skills I do have and 2) grow in areas of weakness.
