This week I decided to teach our housekeeper to bake sweets. Normally her kitchen roles are limited to chopping up vegetables, washing dishes, or preparing fried rice (that's what I have her make if I need her to cook- it's delicious!!). Since she doesn't have an oven or a refrigerator and since she's never cooked with recipes, sometimes I find out that our kitchen habits are a little different. This baking experiment has been no exception.



Episode 1: chocolate chip cookies

• The first step of the recipe said "Put in a big bowl" (Pon en un tazon grande) and then listed some ingredients. She read it out loud "Bread in big pieces" (Pan en trozos grandes) and went for the bread. Good thing we went over the recipe.
• The novelty of the electric beater was too much for her. She just kept beating and beating and beating. They were definitely the best beaten chocolate chip cookies we've ever had!
• I think it might have been her first experience with measuring spoons and cups. She filled the teaspoon a quarter way with baking soda and asked if that was good. I had to explain how you fill the whole thing and show her the different cups and spoons with their measurements on them.
• When she put the dough on the cookie sheet, she made huge cookies. We resized them, but it wasn't until they were halfway through cooking that she realized they were changing shape and size (melting and rising). Now she gets why I thought they were too big!

Episode 2: brownies

• I had her make the batter while I was out of the house. When I got home, she was a little worried she had ruined it, since it didn't turn out anything like the chocolate chip cookies. She was thoroughly relieved (and surprised) to find out that the brownie batter looked just the way it was supposed to.
• She wanted to know what brownies are. How do you explain brownies? I said they were kind of like cake but more moist. We'll see what she thinks when they're done.

It's all about learning, on my side and hers. I'm excited about the possibilities of her learning how to bake (!) and am sure she'll get it with a little practice.

Last night's meeting was a sweet encouragement. We had some animated conversations about leading Alpha small groups. The idea is a little bit counter-intuitive, you know? You let people say whatever the heck they want and don't try necessarily to push them toward the "correct" answers. With that kind of freedom, they can let down their defenses and genuinely explore questions of faith. It's an exciting concept.

Our helpers seem enthusiastic about the upcoming course and their role in it. They had all kinds of suggestions and ideas last night about how we can make the course run smoothly and give people every opportunity possible to encounter God during these next 10 weeks. Tim and I were encouraged by hearing these friends talk about their desire to impact others and grow the kingdom of God. Thank you, Lord.

This morning I had another little bit of sunshine during my devotions. I did the last day of Beth Moore's Beloved Disciple Bible study (the apostle John), read a chapter in Running Scared (about fear and worry), and read from Isaiah (in Spanish) as part of my one year daily Bible reading plan. I'm grateful for that hour every morning, for an hour to bathe in truth and prepare myself for a day of battle. In some of this current discouragement, I often forget to look to the Bible for the truth about what's going on in my life (as opposed to the stories my self-pity tells me). Regular devotions give me a chance to encounter truth even when I'm not necessarily looking for it. One of those "truths" I encountered this morning was Psalm 27, personalized for my own "enemy":

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

When loneliness advances against me
to devour my flesh,
when loneliness attacks me,
it will stumble and fall.

Though loneliness besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though loneliness break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of loneliness
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted
above loneliness who surrounds me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of loneliness.

Do not turn me over to loneliness,
for loneliness rises up against me,
breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

By now it's dark anyway, but nights are the hardest part. What is it about morning that makes everything a little bit better? Tim wants a Big Mac; I want to go do work at Starbucks. I think both of those things are in part cover-ups for this growing loneliness. We're worn down trying to meet one another's needs, but where else can we go? I know the answer- the Lord- but today it doesn't feel that obvious.

Tonight we are meeting with two couples to watch the Alpha Leaders Training video. There really are a lot of encouraging aspects to this- like the fact that one of the guys borrowed the video last night because he wanted to watch it in advance to be well-prepared. Or the idea that tonight we get to talk with these people about their perspective on this vision of reaching out to spiritually disconnected folks. Four months ago, two of them were those people. Three years ago, the other two were as well.

Nonetheless, I hear Tim in the other room talking to the dog. "Taza, you know what would make this night really fun? Good wine, good cheese, and good friends." We don't have access to any of those things tonight, and in the midst of all the genuinely exciting things going on, we find ourselves living under a cloud. Is it spiritual warfare? Culture shock? I don't know. Pray that we would see some sunshine. In the meantime, we're trusting the Father, clinging to Jesus, calling on the Holy Spirit to sustain us.

The Comunidad Cristiana's retreat was a big success I'd say. My speciality is definitely not having fun (well at least in the sense that most people would understand), but I survived the day. We played lots of games-- volleyball, sack races, wheelbarrow races, Connect Four, dodgeball, jumprope. There were also horseback rides and swimming for the kids (too cold for reasonable people). My favorite part was the sunshine.

Here's Ellie, enjoying the souvenir that we brought the dogs from the zoo (a monkey). I think she had just stolen it from Taza. Mostly I liked the photo.

This morning we bought 6.5 lbs of strawberries for $1.50 and are going to make some treats. Tomorrow we and most of the participants in the Comunidad Cristiana are going on a mini-retreat for the day. I figured strawberry hot-pockets were just the thing.

I don't have much of a clue about how this retreat will turn out, but I'm super excited that some of our Alpha people are going. My prayer is that it's a time for them to connect socially with other believers and start to feel more ownership for the church. Speaking of Alpha, we delayed the beginning one week. I'm so grateful we've had this week to catch up on life and equally excited about diving back in this week with Alpha leadership training, our Alpha follow-up Bible study, and the first week of the new Alpha course.

She's huge, slobbery and eats 4.5 lbs of chicken parts for lunch. What's not to love about a gentle giant following me around the house?

"Normal" is finally coming back. Somewhere in our team meeting yesterday I remembered what it feels like to be working here for God's purposes and not my own, doing what I can but knowing this isn't my "project." It was a day full of people, too, which I think does me good.

In the afternoon I listened to and counseled my struggling friend on parenting her teenager. As you can imagine, I know very little about parenting teenagers- only snipets from my experience being one and three years of teaching them. It's amazing nonetheless how much of her problem was a God problem more than a parenting problem. I wonder how often that might be true in other situations. Anyway, knowing how little I know, I tried to do ten times as much listening as talking. In the end, my understanding of the issue was that she, like other single moms I know around here, is counting on her only daughter to value and love her unconditionally, making up for her own lack of healthy self-esteem and filling the emptiness in her heart. Unfortunately teenagers are not a great source for that. While she can't control her teenager, she can do something about her own needs and feelings.

We talked about Jeremiah 2:13-- "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water." She definitely "got" the idea that her daughter is the broken cistern in this story, incapable of offering her the fresh, flowing, living water she so much desires. We talked too about the idea that humans are made with a God-shaped hole in their hearts, and that try as we may to fill it with everything else, we won't be happy unless we fill it with Him.

Those are good reminders for me at least, and I was grateful for the opportunity to dive back into them. Nothing else can fill my emptiness- not vacations or marriage or ministry or money. As St. Augustine wrote, "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."

Reading the news about our neighbor Bolivia this morning, I am reminded that some people have real problems. The US ambassador has been expelled and the Peace Corps has moved all its volunteers to Peru. How are the missionaries feeling this morning? The Masseys arrived 1 month ago in Santa Cruz. Transition and cultural adjustments are hard enough without the threat of civil war. And then there are the Bolivians. No one is offering them an emergency evacuation from this violence and chaos.

A little to the north, we are easing back into life and work in Puerto Supe. We initially had a slew of plans leading up to an Alpha kick-off on Friday but yesterday made the decision to postpone that a week. Besides our own re-adjustment here in Puerto, we're also preparing for the Cubases to leave the first week of October. They will be in the US through the end of December on Home Ministry Assignment (furlough). There are a lot of loose ends to be tied up before their departure.

Home again. I suppose my panic has subsided, but being here doesn't feel comfortable yet. I told my housekeeper to take today off mostly because I'm not ready to give up my "space" and have her in the house for 4 hours this morning. It feels too vulnerable that everyone knows when we're home and not, that walking out the door means talking to a host of people, that our walls are only a curtain to the sounds of the street. I want to go back into my cocoon.

One luxurious night in Viña del Mar and we made the trek back to Lima yesterday. I'm writing this morning from the SAM guest house. We leave in the next hour for the 4-hr bus ride back to Puerto Supe. I'm having a lot of feelings about going back, none of which are the ones I would choose. Panic, for one. I remember feeling similarly coming back to Arequipa from Buenos Aires in January. I know my fear doesn't reflect the reality of the situation, and yet here I am. More later. In the meantime, I'd certainly appreciate your prayers for our return.

Let me just add that I am so so excited to see our puppies! How many times have I smiled at God's provision for us through them? I thought I needed a guard dog in Peru. What I needed was a morale boost or two. With fur.

We also watched The House of the Spirits, the movie based on Isabel Allende's book. It's fiction, but tells the story of the 20th century in Chile at the same time. Isabel Allende is the niece of Salvador Allende, the world's first democratically elected Marxist president. He was assasinated in a coup in 1973, 3 years into his presidency. The movie told that story as well as others. It was interesting to watch from here, not only for the politics but for the cultural pictures as well.