What am I doing right now anyway? My heart is fully set on our mission, and although I believe it will be with SAM in Peru, there is no guarantee of that at this point. I feel disconnected and lost, although not lonely. The waiting is hard on my heart.
In the meantime I am reading and learning. That makes it sound peaceful, but I would more likely compare it to a tornado. It's an unfortunate part of my mind, that knowledge to me seems more like something to devour than to digest. So I've spent a lot of time thoughtlessly whipping through pages. Have I learned anything in all of this? Maybe one thing.
"What is most personal is most general." --Henri Nouwen
What do I have to offer to Peruvians but myself? I don't know their culture, and I haven't mastered their language. I don't know what it looks like to live a life of fullness and faith in Peru. But I know what it looks like to be me, to struggle through sand, to come out sometimes on top and sometimes not. The things that seem most specific to me, that I fear no one will really understand, may in fact be the only things I have to offer that are relevant. After all the cultural trappings are stripped away, only the most intimate things are left to bind us together as humans beyond nationality or ethnicity or language.