Have you been holding back from a risky, costly course to which you know in your heart God has called you? Hold back no longer. Your God is faithful to you, and He is adequate for you. You will never need more than He can supply, and what He supplies, both materially and spiritually, will always be enough for the present.
--No good thing does the LORD withhold form those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11
--My grace is sufficient for you, fo rmy power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9
--God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
Think on these things!-- and let your thoughts drive out your inhibitions about serving your Master.
I think I see myself there-- afraid that if I give everything I have, I'll be left empty and poor. I'm afraid that if I spend time with "unlovely" people, I'll just grow resentful and bitter. I'm afraid He's not enough for me.
Another question, though, is this issue of a "course to which you know in your heart God has called you." I think I'm still a little confused there. I'm thinking in particular about a girl that has attached herself to Sierra. She is in a wheel chair and has brain damage to the extent that even though she is 21, she has the maturity of maybe a 10 year old. Maybe less. She doesn't usually remember things Sierra tells her and can't process very complicated information. She comes by my house every day or two and starts calling from the street (because she can't get her wheelchair up on the sidewalk), "Amiga Sierra!" She's come twice this week even though we've told her a million times that Sierra is out of town for the week. Yesterday (Tuesday) she seemed particularly confused. "Don't we have class [Bible study] on Thursdays?" she asked. I reminded her that it was Tuesday. She didn't quite get it.
All that to say that she is a sweet but very needy girl. I'm terrified that when Sierra leaves she's going to automatically assume that I'm taking over all of Sierra's roles and start coming by to see me five times a week. In all honesty, I don't want to spend time with her. And then I remember Jesus, who after all is our example for how to be a fabulous missionary. The question, "What would Jesus do?" has become remarkably relevant to me over the last two months. And what would He do? I know for sure that He wouldn't literally ignore the mentally and physically handicapped girl calling out for love and attention from the street. But I have.
Is my call to love this girl and give her 5 hours of my attention every week? Do I really have "better" things to do with my time? If it is my call and all that is holding me back is fear, I need to address that. I'm confused between "knowing in my heart that God has called me" to serve this girl and maybe just feeling unnecessarily guilty and not knowing how to set boundaries well.
Thanks for letting me think "out loud." The number of people I encounter here who want to listen to me process through these ideas is pretty slim.