This week I have felt a heightened anxiety that I can only attribute to the transition. Tim asks me, "What are you so anxious about?" I don't have an answer. There are no specific worries in my mind, but I know from what we learned here that my reaction is normal and okay. Tim doesn't "get" that, but he's willing to believe me anyway. I feel myself growing irritable over small things and raging over only slightly larger things. I am restless (and have pretty much knitted an entire blanket in the last week). I am tired.
I am nervous about this next stage, particularly the idea that we will be in Arequipa for an indefinite period of time over which I will have absolutely no control. Will Tim dedicate himself to learning Spanish in the way I want him to? How will I react if he doesn't? How can I let go of my demands and expectations? What will I do with 3, 4, 6, 8, however many months we will spend in Arequipa waiting for Tim to feel competent in his language ability? How will I know to what degree I should commit myself to this city and culture and people if I don't know how long I will be there?
We will board our plane for Peru in 19 days. Between now and then all I know to do is to bring myself exposed before God and ask Him to take care of this mess I'm in.