May
05
Bad day at school today, and by that I mean that I didn't make it to my first class (8:45) before I was crying in the secretary's office and the principal offered to let me go home for the day. At least this time I knew how to handle the panic and kept my cool (ie, didn't hyperventilate). Is the job really this hard? Maybe so. Sometimes I wonder if my fragility is more a part of reverse culture shock. When Tim came to pick me up, he reminded me that we're coming out of a culture (and certainly a school environment) where this kind of disrespect is unheard of.
As it turns out, it was a situation with an adult and not a student that set me off this morning. That's good in a sense, because it makes going back tomorrow a lot easier.
What is God trying to say to me? I had an interview yesterday for a fall position at a small Christian school. There are so many enticing things about working in that kind of environment, but the idea of losing the mission aspect of my current job leaves me a little sad. I want to make this work. I want to be successful in making a difference in the life of one child, one coworker, one parent. But if I'm hyperventilating twice a month and not making it to class, I don't see how that will be possible.
I have moments where I wonder if I will make it through to the end of the week, much less next year. My friend Jean reminded me when I started this job that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. So I guess the question isn't so much Can I? but Should I? and Do I want to?
Four or five more weeks. I can do this. The days are spiced with sweet moments of connecting with the kids, calling parents to thank them for the support they're offering me from home, laughing with coworkers. No morning do I wake up uncertain about what I can do to follow and honor Jesus that day. I'm grateful for a job and grateful for the chance to reach out to this small population of truly troubled kids for the most part.
Still curious about what the future holds and what God is trying to say in the present. Still coveting your prayers and love as much as I did through every trial in Peru. The mission is only beginning.
Hannah,
I dont have any great words of wisdom or encouragement for you about this - I just wanted someone to comment on it! I know those of us who are reading are inspired and challenged by your experiences and are using them to know better how to pray for you. We love you and miss you in Peru. God is doing a good work in you and through you. Keep walking. - heather