I am hesitant to write but know, as I wrote months ago, that all I have to offer is myself. What is most personal is most relevant and most powerful. I will take it to Peru because it transcends culture. I will offer it to you because it is an honest picture of the work of God in my life.

Yesterday, as we began looking in depth at differences in cultures, behaviors, and values across the world, a specific memory hit me with unexpected force and is not letting go. It was a rather traumatic but nonviolent encounter that I had with someone "in a land far, far away." I really thought I had worked through the issue and was "done." Ha.

I feel raw and fragile. Has an emotional reaction ever felt so much like physical pain? I know that this memory has power not only in itself but also as it touches other memories and experiences that have hurt and shaped me. I am confident that it is God who has led me into this surprising space, and that He intends to bring me through it for good, so that as I prepare to move to Peru, I might be a more free, more beautiful woman than I was before. The Bible says, and I believe it is true, that the Holy Spirit will "lead [me] into all truth." I am praying in desperation that He would give me understanding and walk me through this. It seems like every hour I see more, get new answers, go deeper into this rabbit hole. I don't know what is on the other side, but I trust that it will be good.

Please pray for me. Pray for my endurance through this pain and willingness to receive from His hand. Pray for wisdom and guidance as I try to be present- in my classes, in my home, in this consuming pain. Pray for freedom and protection from anything that would hinder the Lord's work and voice- spiritual forces, distractions, time wasters, fear, anything that I would use to anesthetize the pain and avoid dealing with it, mental roadblocks, unneeded fatigue, panic, self-pity, my "right" to comfort, misunderstandings about God or myself.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. " 2 Corinthians 12:9

1 Comment

1. Jenn on September 18, 2007 at 9:50 PM

   I'm praying for the Great Counselor's presence, comfort, guidance, and power in this crisis. Thank you for sharing.