HIGH: During our first talk on day one, I was really battling to stay awake. Falling asleep in classes, sermons, while driving is actually a complex and ongoing issue for me, one that I have been looking into medically. I was fairly concerned about the next two weeks. The next morning I woke up at 5 am and could not go back to sleep. I think I was mostly anxious about this very issue. For an hour and a half I talked to the Lord about this and begged Him to give me a supernatural alertness during the day, a scary prayer asking for tangible results. I was absolutely alert and focused in an extra-ordinary way. To read this, it may not seem like a miracle. If you were in my brain, you would know otherwise.
LOW: In our second interview, the interviewer knew that we come from an Anglican church but seemed to have some misinformation about what that might mean for us theologically. We did have satisfactory answers for all his questions (I think), but I hated the feeling of being on the defense. Once I had time to calm down and reflect, I realized that the issue was me and not the interviewer. He really did just have some incorrect information and was giving us the chance to correct it.
Overall, my defensiveness was an indicator that I am putting my confidence in me or in this organization but not in the Lord. I want to have a spirit of trust during this orientation and know that the Lord has a plan for me that cannot be thwarted. I’m not trying to impress anyone. I’m trying to disclose everything I can so that we can discern together the next steps.