Yesterday, as we began looking in depth at differences in cultures, behaviors, and values across the world, a specific memory hit me with unexpected force and is not letting go. It was a rather traumatic but nonviolent encounter that I had with someone "in a land far, far away." I really thought I had worked through the issue and was "done." Ha.
I feel raw and fragile. Has an emotional reaction ever felt so much like physical pain? I know that this memory has power not only in itself but also as it touches other memories and experiences that have hurt and shaped me. I am confident that it is God who has led me into this surprising space, and that He intends to bring me through it for good, so that as I prepare to move to Peru, I might be a more free, more beautiful woman than I was before. The Bible says, and I believe it is true, that the Holy Spirit will "lead [me] into all truth." I am praying in desperation that He would give me understanding and walk me through this. It seems like every hour I see more, get new answers, go deeper into this rabbit hole. I don't know what is on the other side, but I trust that it will be good.
Please pray for me. Pray for my endurance through this pain and willingness to receive from His hand. Pray for wisdom and guidance as I try to be present- in my classes, in my home, in this consuming pain. Pray for freedom and protection from anything that would hinder the Lord's work and voice- spiritual forces, distractions, time wasters, fear, anything that I would use to anesthetize the pain and avoid dealing with it, mental roadblocks, unneeded fatigue, panic, self-pity, my "right" to comfort, misunderstandings about God or myself.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. " 2 Corinthians 12:9