It has been seven and a half years since the week that those truths first sunk in deep enough for me that my whole life turned around. I distinctly remember that week not feeling like this change in me was a choice so much as an irresistable compelling to new life. So where does all this meet me today?
I am realizing that in my desire to be accepted and approved, I have denied and hidden the shameful parts of me- arrogance, self-absorption, judgmentalism. Not that I've hidden them well. Despite my attempts to control what other people think of me, I'm sure everyone who knows me is aware of those faults. The problem is not so much that others don't know me, but that I don't let the whole me "out" into relationship with God and others. And because of that, I never get to experience acceptance of the whole me by God and others or forgiveness with regard to those particular areas. I don't find acceptance or healing for the very parts of me that need it most. I perpetuate my own convinction that the whole, real me is unlovable, and that the only way to "make it" around here is to try to find some self-control and to hide really well.
Today is a day for the Gospel to work power in my life. As I consider this life-hindering issue, I am stunned by the way God turns it all around. As I hand over the gross hidden unacceptable parts of me instead of hoarding them away, Jesus carries them all the way to the cross. He bears the weight of God's justified wrath against my dirty heart and yours, and today I let the power of that sin over me die with Him. But it doesn't stop there. In His victory over death, Jesus is coming home to the Father, and I join Him in His homecoming, wrapped up in His white robe. Just as the Father delights to see His Son returned, He delights also in me, His daughter. This is living in the light, letting go of the darkness inside me and risking the vulnerability to be seen as I really am. I'm coming home.
If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1 John 1:7