Still dark outside. Tim just took Ellie and Taza off for their flight to Lima, where Continental will check their crates and make sure they're ready to fly on Sunday. We're leaving at 3 pm.

It's been a tough few days, partly because of the stress of moving to another continent and world, but mostly because we're sad to leave our friends here. One thing that has caught me off guard is that they seem to be making a big deal out of us leaving (mostly involving feeding us lots of sweets!). Since we've only been here since last July, I didn't expect that. I'm glad they did. I think their attention and intention is helping me to process better. I need to know that this is a big deal, leaving these relationships as much as this place.

This bed, these floors, this sunshine-- they've all become so familiar to me. I wonder if "home" will feel like home or if it will be another new place to explore and adjust to. Two and a half years doesn't seem like all that long, but I know we are not the same people we were when we woke up early on Halloween to haul our life belongings to the airport and set off for an exotic adventure.

Tim laughs about how he's getting old (at 28). He played Ultimate Frisbee a few weeks ago and nearly left crippled. He says his body is tired. I don't see that, but I do see a new maturity in him that has grown deep and wide, a new passion for people and God, a new clarity about who he is and what he wants in life. If you talk to him long enough to listen, I think you will be surprised.

What will be the joys and struggles of the next week, month, or year? Where are we going? I don't know. I've spent half my life waiting and working for this season that ends today. Now what? Everything I dreamed of doing in my life is done. I'm 28 and have a long road left ahead of me. I'm never felt lost before, and my mind (if not my heart) knows I'm not now, but it's strange not to see beyond the curve in the road.

[One more jungle cockroach killed. Millions to go. Nope, I won't miss that.]

This week I find myself meditating on Psalm 138:8--
I love that it is an affirmation but also a prayer. Sure, but still not. I'm glad to know that God has purposes for me even when I don't know what they are. And I'm glad to know that I belong to Him. I commit my life and spirit into His hands, fix my heart on loving and serving Him, and trust Him to take care of the rest.

1 Comment

1. Alyssa Joy on March 19, 2010 at 1:03 PM

   Hey :) I know I don't know you, but I found your blog on SAM's website. I've been to Pucallpa twice for short-term trips, and I'm returning this summer. I just wanted to let you know that your blog has made me very homesick for Pucallpa, and that I will be praying for your family through this difficult transitional period.
   Thanks for giving me glimpses of my home-away-from home for a couple months.
   God bless!
   -Alyssa