Last night's Alpha was positive in so many ways. Why then did I leave with my face all scrunched up?

Good things

1. decent attendance


2. evidence of people forming friendships


3. curried chicken salad was a huge hit (darn, no lunch leftovers)


4. I had a deep sense of the power and presence of the Holy Spirit in prayer


5. lots of people were open and vulnerable about their prayer requests


6. preparation went smoothly

Frustrating things

1. Leader 1 didn't come, although he was sitting outside down the street the whole time. I'm frustrated by his immaturity, his lack of responsibility, and the fact that his spiritual growth seems non-existent some (most?) days.


2. Leader 2 slept through the video (as she does almost always).


3. Leader 3 is so incredibly insecure, and when I asked her how I could pray for her, she said "just for my children" even though I know she has a thousand serious issues in her life right now. I felt frustrated that she was putting up a wall to me.


4. People didn't write on the sheets I gave them for reflection. Big disappointment.


5. People were talking loudly and shamelessly during the prayer/reflection time.


6. People began cleaning up and stacking chairs before I was even done praying for the last person.


7. People had their eyes open as we prayed for them (How do I know this? you ask....)


8. One woman made a comment that indicated she was planning on attending the next Alpha Course. I am so not looking forward to that battle again.

Lessons learned

First, a reminder that I'm not in Kansas anymore, and that people don't necessarily know everything I expect them to know. If I want someone to do something (commit to leadership, fill in a worksheet, be respectful during prayer time, close their eyes during prayer), I need to be more clear and explain myself as best I can. It's not necessarily that they're being obnoxious, lazy, disrespectful, stupid, or whatever other label surges to the front of my mind. It's entirely possible that they just don't know what my expectations are or what is the appropriate way to behave in new situations.

Second, I need to let go of my sense of responsibility for others' spiritual growth. My power is limited, and instead of fighting that, it's time to accept it. There are some things I can do to encourage these new believers and walk alongside them (setting clear expectations about what it means to be an Alpha leader, for example). There are a lot more things that don't fall within my sphere of influence, and that's okay. I can trust God to carry the world. All on His own.

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